Self-Portrait, Age 21
Here is what I know:
The 1 train is never not a Pilgrimage
The waning moon is never not a Home
The ferryman
and his ferry boat
are never not On Schedule
The mountains are never not West
The mountains are always West
Self
of the same material and color as the rest
Germanic “selbe” for expressing “I”
Portrait
study
Old French “portraire” to portray
True/False:
___ “Self” is a ritual
___ “Self” is a double negative
___ “Self” is fixed
___ “Self” is a channel
___ “Self” is a hole
___ “Self” is a whole
___ God has a “self”
___ ***God Herself is THE “self”
___ A prayer is a “self”
___ A mirror has a “self”
___ A homeland is a “self”
___ A mountain has a “self”
___ The moon is/has a “self”
___ A “self” is a shadow
___ A shadow has a “self”
___ You have a “self”
___ You are a “self”
___ You’re sure
Please,
tell me more about your “self”:
Is it holding?
Is it held?
Does it have a home?
Does it have a heart?
Has it ever died? disappeared?
If not,
do you think it ever will?
Mine is
Hollow
a small valley
formed by making a w/hole
Old English “holh”
A creation myth
(a self)
is never not some form of some truth.
How to find
how to declare
some form of
some truth of
some self:
Be small
until you cannot not be big
any longer.
No woman will never not mourn the moment that she became a girl.
June 2003
The woman I was at seven years old:
Heart full
Body wild
Legs too certain, too trusting to hesitate
Arms too small
much, much too small
much, much too strong
to carry all of her light
She draped it over her narrow seven year old shoulders
and patiently followed her seven year old feet
her seven year old will
up to the tippy tippy top of the highest highest mountain
And when she arrived she carefully
lovingly
laid her light
gently
quietly
at the feet of the gods
looked them in the eyes and announced
with the absolute absence of fear and the absolute fullness of self:
Here it is.
Here it is.
You’re welcome.
You are welcome.